Suburb of Heaven

Just got back from a meeting of the book club I'm a part of. We were discussing Fangirl, and talked about writing fanfic myself (one other girl there has) and some of the other ladies had read it. Amusingly, the person I'm closest with was basically, "I don't get it - not the attraction to reading it or writing it, and same with cosplay and other fannish stuff because it's all just make-believe like when you were five and pretending you were a puppy" so it was an interesting conversation. (I did not tell people where to find my fic or even what my fandoms were - both would be bridges too far! I did say that I was just writing one before I got to the party, which is indeed the case - yay for Be-Compromised.)

Anyway, I think I'm kind of the old lady of the group, although perhaps not by a whole lot. It's not a big deal in that specific sense, because I get along well with these people, but I'm really starting to...worry isn't the right phrase. Hmm. I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be in life, I suppose. Which for me means that I worry because I don't make a lot of money, feel pretty useless and uncertain about the whole career thing, and wonder where I'll be in five years.

God, I mentioned my salary in a conversation over Thanksgiving with just me, my husband, my father in law, and my stepmother in law and SMIL said, bewildered, "Isn't that the level where you get food stamps?"

Uh, ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I'm surprised I didn't hide under the table for the rest of the trip.

I need to get back to therapy, but I don't know if it was helping me get anywhere. I feel like I need someone to whip me into shape, not listen to me.

But mostly, there has been a potential medical issue that's cropped up recently that's part of it. I'll go into a little bit of lady TMI here so stop reading if you're squicked by it.

So, I just had my period, like...two weeks ago. And I'm spotting again, right now, a not insignificant amount. And there are a lot of reasons that could be, but none of them are a whole lot of fun. It's possible I might have inherited my mother's endrometriosis - there are possible signs that could back that up. There are also the possibility of polyps. And there's also the possibility that I'm about to go into perimenopause. I'm 39. I am definitely old enough for it. But somehow the idea of it has set off little sirens in my head, ALERT, ALERT, ALERT.

I see my dr. in a week and a bit, so I can ask her about it then. But it's just roiled up all my insecurities about who I am and what I do, and I'm not sure how to process it all.

This is why none of the half-hearted attempts at novels I've started will never become anything - I generally can't plot for beans. Here is the unfinished bit of sequel to I Act Out And You Act Tough, a Leverage/Buffy crossover featuring Eliot and Faith and their encounter somewhere on a lonely back road. I wanted to have Faith meet the rest of the Leverage crew, and I have, but now I need to come up with some sort of con the team can pull on the vamp crew they've called Faith in to cope with, and my brain resolutely refuses to provide one. Maybe I should just start looking some up and cram one or two in to get me writing something, anything, to wind this story up. Or maybe they can start an elaborate con and Faith gets impatient, says "fuck this," and starts killing vamps. Except that would sort of diminish the Leverage side of the story. Arrgh. Suggestions or comments gratefully accepted.

( shipping up to Boston )

Title: Small Talk
Fandom: BtVS/Castle crossover
Characters: Buffy Summers, Javier Esposito
Rating: Gen/G
Disclaimer: I own neither, alas, alack.
Summary: The night was going rapidly downhill until the screaming started.
Prompt for Buffy/Esposito was from Lar_Laughs, and it made my brain hurt in a good way!

( Jenny was never allowed to set him up on a blind date again )

Seen everywhere, and because poking through stats is fun and weirdly affirming, even if you're just quietly on the fringes. By a long shot, my Avengers/MCU stuff has gotten me the highest hit counts because it's the largest fandom I've written for. By the time I got to things like Buffy and Firefly, I was long, long past the peak boom times.

( My top ten stories by hit count )

( And by kudos )

So I don't know that there's anything to learn from this, besides "people prefer pairings over gen unless it's Yuletide," and "bigger fandoms mean more readership."

I had a strange comment on A03 today, on an old Mentalist fic - a very porny one. The person said it was well written but creepy, because some of the sex basically showed I was a woman under the evil patriarchal influence of mainstream porn. I am perhaps reading between the lines a little bit - but not that much.

So that was strange. Generally people floating in to read appropriately signposted porny stories don't object to stuff like that.

I'm still slowly making my way through Game of Thrones season 2 as my Tumblr explodes with season 3. I don't care about spoilers, so I sort of get to watch it in small chunks despite not having HBO or the willpower/desire to torrent. (Although I guess most people watch a livestream? Which I guess isn't like torrenting? Maybe? Whatever, I'm old.) Anyway, I continue to teeter on this edge where I'm interested in the show but not really, since I've given up on the books at this point and don't really feel like swimming too long in the grimdark world of GRRM. I'm not gobbling down season two, but watching an ep every now and then. There are people whose stories I want to follow - mostly the ladies - but I'm so bored with the majority of the Jon "Help I'm a spectator in my own story" Snow thread. And I like Dany (and like looking at Jorah) but their story is so long and boring and maybe it'll be fixed for the better in the show? Except part of me is satisfied with just looking at pretty gif sets and leaving it at that.

That was a lot of words to indicate how ambivalent I am about something.

Title: The Clutch of Circumstance
Fandom: Avengers (movie)
Characters: Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova
Relationship: pre-relationship or gen, depending on how you want to read it
Rating: PG for language
Summary: Natasha makes an end, and a beginning.
Disclaimer: Not mine, or I'd have a more interesting weekend planned

( my unconquerable soul )

Title: Looking for You (Or Anyone Like You)
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and non-explicit sexual situations
Pairing: Clint/Natasha (with mention of Jane/Thor and Pepper/Bruce/Tony and potential Darcy/Steve sketched in very lightly in the background)
Characters: Natasha, Clint, Pepper, Darcy, Jane, Maria
Summary: Natasha isn't used to feeling infatuated. She's even less used to having other people notice it. A fluffy little story of girltalk, spies, and why Venice is for lovers

( Hello my love It's getting cold on this island )

Fandom: Dresden Files
Title: Files
Rating: Gen, all-ages
Summary: A Justine POV vignette, set sometime post-Blood Rites and pre-Changes. There's a question she needs Harry to answer. In the meantime, she's learning other things, and filing them all away. Written for Yuletide 2010.
Disclaimer: All characters property of Jim Butcher. I just enjoy taking them out for a spin occasionally.

( Harry Dresden’s information was, of course, in our files. )

I had kind of an idea, and wanted to throw it out there. And I realize by doing so, I'm sort of signing myself up for work that I've never done before, so I'd have to look into how these things are done, and what's involved, and wokka wokka wokka. Plus, I've always been on the fringes of fandom, and not in its midst, so the whole idea of this is a little nervewracking. Nonetheless, I'd like to gauge some interest here.

As most of you have noticed, I have been rather deeply immersed in the works of Kage Baker. A day or two before she died, I began rereading the Company books (currently on The Life of the World To Come). She has been, as they say, much on my mind.

There are two Yuletide fics in the old Yuletide archive, none so far on the new one (unless I'm not searching correctly) and, besides me, one other request for fic from this year. I haven't searched out any other venues.

So, here's my question. Would anybody be interested if I ran a small Kage Baker ficathon? I haven't thought too hard about it, but at one point I participated in a small ficathon that mosca ran, where she simply gave snips of song lyrics or poetry out to people, and they wrote any fandom story they wished using that as inspiration. I think it worked pretty well, and would like to try it again - or we could go with the more traditional prompt-matching route (which seems like a lot of work, OMG).

Poll taken down to inexplicable wonkiness. Please to be answering in the comments to this entry.


Any comments? Questions? Reasons to inform me that I am nuts nuts nuts?

Title: It's Only A Paper Moon
Rating: Gen
Characters: Hardison, Parker, Eliot
Disclaimer: Not mine, or I'd send them to steal me a big diamond and ruby necklace to wear around the house
Summary: Movie night for the kids!
Notes: Originally written as a Yuletide Treat

( It's one of the ur-classics of our genre! It's like being an ice skater and never seeing Ice Castles )