And all I can hear in my head is Wilford Brimley (health stuff)

[sienamystic]

So. I hope I haven't mislead anybody into thinking I'm about to be wheeled in to have all my innards taken out and put back into me in reverse order, or that I'm the first person in modern history to catch the frequently-fatal Barking Spider Red-and-Green Pox. What I have been diagnosed with is the unfortunately very common diabetes, which about eight percent of the US population has. And yes, it's mostly because despite a family history of the stuff, I haven't been vigilant about diet or exercise, especially in the past two years, when I put on a lot of extra weight.

If I can get my weight and diet under control, the hope is that my blood sugar will follow, and that I may never get to the point of insulin shots and may even be able to stop taking metaformin. But all of this good stuff would be way down the road, and I've only started to walk it.

I am a veritable kettle of emotion right now. Guilt, shame, anger, resignation. Mostly, it's fear - fear that I won't be able to change myself, when previous (half-hearted) attempts have all not worked. Fear that despite a threat to my health that I can't ignore, I'll find some way to rationalize myself back into bad habits. Fear that I'll eat right and work hard and still not lose weight, or lose weight and still have the disease progress. (This is not very likely, I hope. I hope.) Fear that I'll end up an utter bore, sitting at a party eating a stalk of broccoli while talking to everyone within earshot about how much I loooove that cake over there, but I caaaaaan't eat it and so here I aaaaammmm with my broccoli. Alone. In the corner.

Bemo will be changing his diet along with me (he's not at a good weight himself, so hopefully he will get the weight-loss benefit out of this too) and there are some people at work who are supportive - work is hard, because people love to bake there, and bring in treats galore). I was called into work during the holiday break because of a small flood of water from a busted water cooler wetting down some of our office files, and my doctor's appt. where I learned my diagnosis happened during the morning of one of those days. Needless to say, the couple of people who were there noticed I was upset. One of them has a vast family history of the stuff and has been told she will very probably develop it someday, so she was very knowledgeable and supportive. The other, my boss, has a father with diabetes, and is therefore understanding as well.

There's a class at the local hospital which I'll attend. I have pamphlets galore to read. I will be checking my blood once a day and keeping a food journal and a blood-results journal. I don't know how much I'll talk about it here - hopefully not too much that people roll their eyes and run away. The fact that I'm going to tag this post with the word "diabetes" makes me feel so very odd, I can't express it. But it's the truth, and I can't hide from that anymore.

Thanks, guys, for your care.

Comments

[queenthesixth.livejournal.com]

I understand where you're coming from. I felt the same when I was diagnosed with Crohns and especially during the last flare, when I couldn't eat a damn thing. I think it's always hardest when it comes to food because if you need a special diet, it just feels so complicated if you're eating out, or going to someone's house - will be there something there you can eat, will you be eating boring bland food while everyone else is tucking into good stuff! And the worst, oh everyone will know there's something different about me!!

I'm sorry you're having to cope with this. I know I went through the stages of grief when I was diagnosed because really you are dealing with the end of one phase of your life and coming into another. I suppose all we can do is try and find the positivity in the new stage, even though it can be really damn hard sometimes!! ;-)

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you've expressed a ton of what I'm thinking right now. I'm working on things like having healthier alternatives available and, most of all, portion size and getting exercise. I think as long as I'm not in the mindset of "Chocolate will never touch my lips again! Never!" I'll do ok - telling me I'm forbidden something makes it so much more appealing!

Did not see that coming

[(Anonymous)]

I guess that's two of us! Wow. OK, so diabetes. I have no real knowledge or experience to offer here so am popping in with just a hug.

Cher

Re: Did not see that coming

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Thanks, babes. Just think of it this way - I'm not quite as bad off as kitty Sam was :g:

[merriehaskell.livejournal.com]

My tag re: my pre-diabetes adventures is "resistant and intolerant" (as in, "insulin resistant and glucose intolerant"), if you haven't seen those entries. :-/

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I'll go scamper off and read.

[juniperus.livejournal.com]

When my gout-suffering, carb-a-holic dad was diagnosed my sister and I wondered out loud whether he'd be able to manage the diet without external constant vigilance. To our amazement he's transitioned fine, and is totally on top of things.

You can do this. You CAN. *hugs*

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Thank you thank you :g: And crap, I just realized I forgot to buy brown rice. I'm going to try and keep my carbs to a minimum, and switch over to ones that aren't as bad, but that part of the diet will probably be the hardest for me.

[juniperus.livejournal.com]

A lot of the work was initial - discovering what brands of bread were better than others (in terms of fiber quotient), which juices were actually ok to work into his diet (and that's brand and type), and getting a handle on the ratios to keep it all in sync. But apart from cleaning out his cupboards myself (he has a hoarding issue with groceries sometimes, the number of boxes of Kraft MacNCheese I removed, for example! omg! and so much with long-past use-by dates... my mother can't throw things away. but *I* could!) when he was first converting his diet so there simply wouldn't be anything around to sorely tempt him Sis and I haven't had to be the Bad Guys.

Cleaning out your cupboards will go a long way to help. I bet support websites will have recommendations for brands to get you started... and really, it's going to be difficult... but less so than you fear right now--don't let the fear immobilize you. *hugs*

I mean my icon in its positive sense today!

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it's a manageable condition. I know that it's an awful shock to you and that it's going to be a lot of hard work to adjust. Fortunately, the guidelines are a lot different than they were some years ago. My diabetic friends tell me that the diet is a lot more tolerable now than it was. Being able to watch one's total sugar makes life a lot happier than cutting out all of it.

My friend Sue does have dessert, but she carefully budgets for it in her day. So, the day of that party, you might have had your broccoli stalks at lunch, and you might have some of them before you have your cake, too. Your piece of cake might be smaller than you like, but I'll bet you end up with cake!

I suspect that the class will help you a whole lot. Is there a support group in your area for newly diagnosed patients? I hear that they can be be very helpful for folks who are adjusting to all the stress and confusion of the condition.

Re: I mean my icon in its positive sense today!

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Yeek, Kiwi, I never answered your very helpful comment. There do seem to be support groups in the area, and no doubt the people giving the class at the hospital can point me in their direction.

I hope very much to emulate Sue - that is, to eat sensibly but to be able to have that small piece of cake every once in a while.

[maeve-rigan.livejournal.com]

I sort of expected this--or hoped it would be this and not something worse, because you can totally do this. Still, I'm pretty sure I'd feel a lot of the same things you're feeling if it were me. But my sister was diagnosed a few years ago. I'm sure you've got advice galore already, but she totally swears by Sugar Busters for getting her back on track.

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the tip! I'll go have a look. I do have a lot of info, and hopefully the class will help, but it's always good to hear what's worked for people.

[fish-echo.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon.

[stephanieburgis.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Good luck with everything. *hugs*

[makd.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about this, but the good is that you KNOW and you can take care of yourself.

I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about a year or so ago. Best things: I went to a great nutritionist, lost weight, started exercising, and take much, much, better care of myself.

This book has been the greatest help to me. I highly recommend it.

Best of luck; you're gonna do fine

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Bought the book and started reading. It's exactly what I needed.

[swooop.livejournal.com]

You can do it. And remember where I am when you need help. I shall be your cheering section.

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, pie.

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Diabetes was my guess, actually, although now I'm a little disappointed about the lack of multi-colored pox!

You can do this. You can. And as odd as it feels now, one assumes you'll be feeling much better with everything more under control.