Bummer of a birthmark, Hal

[sienamystic]

So. Second opinion duly obtained, by a rather more blunt but not in an unappealing way doctor. The verdict is that surgery is definitely a must for the one disc that's attempting to strangle me via my spinal cord. He doesn't think all three discs in that area should be done - just the one, with the other two remaining in place. If I am able to lose weight (er, rather a lot of it) the odds of those discs not making a break for freedom are high. There's also one more troublesome disc lower down in my back that will require a second MRI eventually, because they didn't get a good look at it (first MRI was focusing on the cervical vertebrae, not the thoracic ones).

I'm trying to remain upbeat about being able to lose weight without dragging up the whole tangle of emotions that comes attached to that package. And there's a twist to it this time: my weight has always been an aesthetic issue, but that's not the context I'm addressing it in now. I don't know if the surgery will prove to be a motivator where other ones have failed; you'd think it would be the case, but logic doesn't have a lot to do with the way I interact with food. I admit to being a little flaily about the whole thing: where and how do my needs, wants, and ingrained instincts all intersect, and can I truly change them? When I'm the one who most often sabotages any attempt at weight-loss? Hrm.

Additionally the conversation I had with the doctor about my life post-surgery was a little disappointing. I think his remark about not taking up skydiving can be dismissed since, unless I actually make it onto the Amazing Race (which, shit...I guess this would put a crimp in those plans) I'm not likely to need to leap out of a plane anytime soon. But I specifically asked about martial arts, and was told, "Don't do anything where you might get kicked in the head." Well, fucknuts. I mean, the martial art I'd go back to if I could is aikido, which doesn't do any sparring, so technically I could get back into it at some point - you know, when the stars align just right, and it rains money out of the sky. But it means that the more aggressive martial arts my sister is so happy taking right now (jujitsu and krav) will probably never be an option for me. And knowing that things are closed off to me - even if I had never really planned on doing them - is shaking up my worldview a bit. I think it may be a weird transitional thing from a teenage mindset into a more adult one - your body will not let you do just any old thing without consequences - but since I never really knew this button was there it surprised me when it got pushed. Ah, the lessons of life. How they do sting. Is this part of that "getting older" crap they tell you about?


Additionally, I emailed the prof. about sitting in on the class I was so excited about, and got this reply:
This would be fine in principle--however, as of today the class is completely FULL, which means I need all the furniture available for the registered students. Also this is very much an undergrad class.

So, blah all around. At least I'm not overly emotional about this - all the stuff that happened today was pretty much what I expected to hear.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Virtual...shots of hard liquor? Well, I think this dr. gave you better news in the end. One disc is better than 3. Maybe you can make skydiving or martial arts your goal, not necessarily weight loss. That would just be the means. I know, it's all the same in the end, but sometimes a lot of it is mental. And jeez, you're not going to get kicked in the head. No reputable instructor is going to put any student in that position, Ms. Cobra Kai. ;-) Don't think of anything as being closed off--really! There's a grandma in my karate class. And heck, even if I do ever get my black belt (at age 40??), I won't be kicking like the 15 year olds. Our bodies are changing, it sucks, and the most we can do it keep it active and healthy. Sez Dr. Kate.

And as for that class...does he know you? Is it a large lecture? Were it me, I'd grab a seat and remain anonymous. No class is ever full. Students drop all the time. Frankly, I'm more annoyed with this professor than your dr. ~Kate-h, trying to be helpful

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

*snrk* I lamented to my sister that this diagnosis completely derailed my plans to compete in a lose-and-die secret underground kung-fu tournament on an uncharted island off the coast of China. Now I will never avenge the death of my master by the one-eyed samurai kickboxer!

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Oh, and yeah, I may try and write back after a week or so into the semester in the hopes that a student has dropped. Alas, it's not a big lecture-class but a smaller one where I'd probably be noticed.

[(Anonymous)]

When you make goals, you really go all out. :-)

Plan to do at least one fun thing this weekend. You deserve it.

~K

[siliconivy.livejournal.com]

And knowing that things are closed off to me - even if I had never really planned on doing them - is shaking up my worldview a bit.

much with the empathy on that. i've never wanted kids. but when i was told that the chances of me getting pregnant naturally are to slim to none ... instead of the "woo-hoo!" one would've thought, i went into a depression for a few days. because making a conscious choice about it was one thing ... but being told my choice had no bearing on it, it was out of my control ... that was something else altogether.

[(Anonymous)]

Health issues will be a much bigger motivator in terms of weight loss. It was for me...I am still working on it but lost a lot and am looking and feeling a lot better, too.

Hang in there, we love you!
Jess