Won't let you down

Bemo had a full-out panic attack at work today. He got himself so wrapped up in the idea that he couldn't fail at this job, that it would be the end of everything if he did, and while his brain was doing its best to tell him that no, that wasn't the case, and that this was a difficult but doable job, the anxiety beast won out and left him hyperventilating and in tears on the other end of the cell phone from me. He's gotten help - somebody there was able to assist him although I don't know how, and I got a text message saying he was ok and off to get meds. I haven't been able to get back in touch with him after that text. I hope he's in bed at home, because I know this sort of thing knocks you right off your pins.

I don't know if they will tell him not to come back at work - and really, I don't know if it's better that they do or that they don't. If they don't, we'll have to tighten our mutual belt further while he continues to look for work. It's not the end of the world, although it of course makes things more difficult. If they let him stay on, he'll have to be able to manage this anxiety about the job - to unclench and just focus on learning how it works, instead of being laser-focused on the idea that he will fail no matter what he does.

I'll be back home tomorrow night. I feel a bit helpless, so many miles away, and connected only by our lousy cell phones that have a habit of dropping calls just when it would be worst to do so. I'm going to head back into the city and walk around a little, perhaps find that Vosges chocolate place you guys recommended.

You know that quote from Julian of Norwich? "All shall be well and and all manner of things shall be well." I don't know if I believe it, but I'm clinging hard to it right now.

stop it stop it stop it

Holy fuck, world, you can stop kicking us we're down already.

Landlord resorting to shenanigans. Bemo in fragile state. Me doing the best I can with the internet and a cell phone and supportive friends on gchat. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?

Here's how the story goes

Bemo is doing better. He has technically quit the job, but was told by the hiring and training people that "he was valuable enough to hire, he is valuable enough to keep on, even if they may need to put him in a different department." We will explore what that means when I get home.

The dude who works at the rental management company when we first got the apartment is being very helpful, assembling our papers for us so we have proof of our valid lease and valid pets. The one hesitation was that our newest cat hasn't been licensed by the county, so I am tending to that asap so that they can't point a finger at that. (That was mostly laziness on my part - they usually send you the forms after the first time your cat has been seen by a vet and Ratchet hasn't had to go yet. He's up to date on his rabies shots, and all.)

They have been sitting on our rent checks - last month's and this month's. I have the carbons to prove they were written. A friend suggested that they were holding them and then going to deposit them all at once, hoping they'll bounce and we can be cited for defaulting on the rent. If that is their plan, it will fail - the money is there in the account.

We are actively looking for a new place. I don't want to hang out and be passive-aggressived by a landlord even if we are in the right. What I hope to do is use the fact that we are in the right to make him give us another month, at least, to complete the move. I don't know about the back rent and the deposit - I am assuming they will try to weasel us out of the deposit.

My mom has said she'll help us with a deposit on a new place. I am very grateful for that. I'm very grateful for all of you internet friends, too, because the support has been very helpful.

Gods above and below, this is enough to make a saint smack his mother in the mouth.