sienamystic: (commedia)
It's scorching hot here (although at least it's not humid on top of it) and we have spend the day officially househunting. We've made stabs at it before but now we are more prepared (ok, prepared at all, because before we were daydreaming more than anything else).

None of the houses we saw will work, for various reasons. And our agent heard from a colleague of hers who has 15 clients searching for houses in the same ballpark price range. It's not a great time to be buying. On the other hand, we aren't in a rush, but it's annoying to think we may have to rush into a decision on a place simply because it's such a seller's market.

Two of the places were just too battered and broken for us - we can rehab to a certain extent but not to the extreme those would have needed. One was weirdly placed at the top of a hill - a ton of rickety stairs to walk up and the house itself was just oddly laid out. One was very cute, but sadly about the same size as our current tiny apartment but with even less storage space. And the final was a stunning beauty from 1915 with gorgeous woodwork but was sadly sagging in a few suspect locations.

Anyway, currently reading the sequel to The Rook. This one's called Stiletto, and I'm enjoying it just as much as I did the first. Also read Girl On The Train, which was pretty weaksauce.
sienamystic: (Default)
Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, and good wishes to all tonight. It's cold outside, but inside we're nice and warm, and our tiny tinsel tree is glowing invitingly. As is usual for our family, we opened presents on Christmas Eve. This year, since we're far away from family, Facetime was recruited to help bridge the miles, meaning we got to participate in all the raucous laughing and people talking over each other and cheering over gifts that is how Christmas Eve is supposed to go. We have good things for breakfast tomorrow, and will go to brunch with another friend who is in town as well and so pass the day in what I hope will be good cheer. Later, there will be Yuletide reading and freshly baked cookies and contented cats.

It's been a year of ups and downs. Here's to next year being more ups and far fewer downs for all of us.
sienamystic: (commedia)
My story, she is posted! Huzzah.

Opened an Amazon box that was supposed to be saved until Christmas, oops. But within it was contained a Chromecast, and as the technologically backwards folk that we are, we've been amusing ourselves by exploring the brand new world of streaming things to your tv. I even reactivated my long-dormant Netflix account for it. Hopefully we'll be able to knock off our cable - or at least reduce it - in the near future. I loathe paying for it.

Last day of work before the winter campus shutdown was yesterday. I dug a hole, had some photography done, and tried to pretend that January won't be as crazy as it's shaping up to be. Feh. Not thinking about it now. Instead rereading a bunch of Travis McGee novels and planning to go to the gym in the next little while.
sienamystic: (flowermachine)
24 hours straight driving to New Jersey, two days of aikido weapons seminar, then right back in the car for 24 hours back and work the next day. I feel pretty damn hardcore right now.
sienamystic: (Venice)
I really have fallen away from updating, mostly because of general tiredness and the sensation that I don't really have much to say. Life is busy, and there is sadness currently in the form of an elderly kitty starting to suffer from the sort of health issues that plague senior kitties. Gracie is still up and at 'em, but she's now blind and we're having to medicate her in various ways. This has made my husband, who is already stressed about going back to school in a few weeks, very sad, because Gracie found him outside the KFC and demanded to be taken some place better because she was sick of dumpster diving, thank you very much. She's been in our lives for thirteen years and a lot of changes, and it's hard to contemplate the idea that we're running up against the end of our time with her.

Also, there's the usual OMG no money, OMG job stress, OMG Tumblr just streams pictures past my face effortlessly and I can passively imbibe. Bleah.

Life will be busy for the forseeable future, but I will try to keep things ticking along here.
sienamystic: (Joan)
The first experiment in hair color, a "peekaboo" burgundy color that wound up being almost invisible (too small a portion of hair colored, although the color itself was great) has been in the rear view mirror a while, and I decided I was going to take another stab at putting a funky color in. I went back to the hair college, which has actually been pretty decent for me, and opted to get a stripe of a vivid dark purple put in. My student, a very nice girl who nonetheless worked on me like she was working on disarming a bomb - one wrong wire cut and the whole thing explodes, so better call the manager over to check every three minutes - completed the process and sent me on my way. I had spent three hours in the chair at this point, and was starving, so I opted to let my hair dry naturally. "Come back if the color isn't right!" chirped my stylist.


The color isn't right. Instead of a vivid purple, it's a pale, pale, might-as-well-be-grey purple, and even with the top of my hair pulled back to show it off, I suspect it may not even register as a funky hair color. So I'm not sure what to do. Go back and see if they can brighten it? Forget it and never experiment with this sort of thing anymore, since clearly my hair is dark enough to really fight being colored? Get a sharpie and start coloring?

Forty bucks. Blah. Maybe I should go back, but it's always such a pain and things are busy right now.

Family time

Jul. 8th, 2013 09:07 pm
sienamystic: (surly bonds)
My sister and her boyfriend flew out to visit over the holiday weekend, and we did many things. Here, let me bullet point them because I'm slightly drunk on vodka and Italian blood orange soda.

-Went to a little nearby town that puts on a killer fireworks show. There were about two hours of warmup by every nearby citizen who was letting off their own arsenal of fireworks before the main event began

-Went tubing and drifted along and got scraped up by the river bottom and floated and ate tortilla chips. My husband got massively sunburned because he didn't apply sunblock often enough. I kicked a fish.

-Baked a slightly demanding Japanese cheese cake that was supposed to be light and fluffy and involved two double boilers and turned out to be delicious...and almost exactly like ordinary cheesecake.

-Baked three loaves of pretzel bread and they were delicious, especially with good cheese and some mustard butter. (I didn't eat the mustard, but everybody else did.)

-Ate out a LOT. A lot a lot.

-Went to see a miniature horse show and also a western cutting show. I had been used to seeing miniature horses that were kind of small, blobby little pony things, but these guys looked like you put a regular sized horse in a shrink ray. We didn't get to see the driving or jump portion of the show, though. And the cutting was interesting, but there was a lot of concentrated cow pee in the air so we didn't stay long.

-Sat around in one of the several good local coffee shops and watched videos of people making tiny replica food out of candy.

I love hanging out with my sister. I miss her terribly, even though we talk on gchat pretty much every day. I wish we lived closer, and fantasize about some sort of farm/compound where we could keep animals and bees and bake a lot and make crazy dinners, but I don't know how that would happen. Her dude is a pretty nice guy as well. I think of two other sisters I know who fantasize about running a pizza farm - a place where they and their families would both live, and they'd grow all the raw ingredients to go into great pizzas and have people come and watch movies on the side of a barn on Friday nights, and I totally get that impulse. I want to plant a garden and keep goats and chickens and have people over to look at the stars late at night. Maybe some music.

This place is great in so many ways, but I hate being away from many of the people I care about. Although we're all scattered, now, friends and family both. We both grew up in a family that did a lot of lip service regarding the family sticking together, but it was really my grandparents holding it all together. None of us really talk much to our vast numbers of cousins and aunts and uncles. I know I'd feel stifled if they were on top of me. Sometimes I want a house full of happy people eating and laughing, sometimes I want a monastery full of nothing but warm stone and comfortable silences.

I think the vodka is making me mopey. It was a good few days. I have funny tan lines, including racoon eyes from my sunglasses and sandal tan.
sienamystic: (commedia)
Got a haircut (nothing fancy, just had some layers put in), got the eyebrows waxed to put them in some semblance of order, and paid a big bill that was lingering because I didn't want to look at it. (As usually happens, it was easy to pay and didn't require much thought once I decided to do it.) Got granitas at the local coffeeshop - vegan ones, because they had just made the regular and they hadn't frozen up properly. The almond milk they use in the vegan ones may actually make them better - they seemed more flavorful.

Have finally circled around back to the decision to get a therapist to help me manage my anxiety, and so have sent off a few contact emails to some local therapists to see what comes back. Anxiety around work has been bad recently, and I've realized that my coping skills are insufficient. Well, honestly, I've known that for a while, but it's hard for me to shake the "I'm the one that holds it together" oldest child thing so I always considered things not bad enough to seek out treatment. But it's affecting my life, and I know I need to get myself in a better place and stop sabotaging myself.

Lot of reading recently, including Rough-Hewn by Dorothy Canfield Fisher on Project Gutenberg, based on a recommendation - it was indeed excellent. Also read Master of the House of Darts, the third book in the Aztec fantasy series by Aliette de Bodard - excellent setting and details and a fascinating world to immerse yourself in, but I found the plot a bit muddly.
sienamystic: (surly bonds)
Happy about the day off tomorrow, but I'm not actually happy. Actually, at the moment I'm suffused with an unfocused rage. It would be self-destructive if, well, I were a self-destructive type, but all that's happening right now is a lot of surly staring at things. I want to be somewhere else, doing something else, alone. I want to be out from inside my own skin.

If only I could do something useful with all this energy, even if it's negative.
sienamystic: (SPQR)
So I'm back from my work trip which had a lot of leisure time built in, except there was also some stuff that didn't go very smoothly. But it's all been worked out at this point, so hurrah. I got a little obsessive about collecting beach glass on the beach my bed and breakfast looked out onto, and I'll give some to some co-workers who love the stuff, but I should take a photo of the pile before I do. I also ate a lot of cannoli and other Italian pastries - there's a strong Portuguese and Sicilian heritage in the town and I spent a morning sitting at a cafe that could have been in Palermo - great coffee, pastries, and a clutch of gesticulating old men chatting in Italian, Sicilian, and occasionally English, with a lot of enthusiasm.

It's only since I've been going on work trips that I've gotten to know the northeast part of the US a little more, and I really sort of love it. Although I've never seen it in the winter, so. But I've really loved some of the bits of it I've seen recently.

Drivers in Massachusetts are terrible. Saw a lot of texting while driving, driving either way too fast or way too slow, an inability to merge, a misunderstanding of the physics of a semi that would otherwise maybe prevent you from slewing in front of one and immediately slamming on your brakes...

Despite doing well the previous trip, Bemo didn't handle this one as well. He said he cried a lot, didn't leave the house much despite a list of stuff he could do (he likes having the lists, and we used them successfully before) and on the whole seems to have gritted his teeth and endured. It makes it a little difficult for me as well. Hopefully the next time travel comes up for me, he'll be able to deal with it a bit better.

The cats are happy that my suitcase is sitting in the living room, and they have taken turns sleeping on top of it. It's the prize spot at the moment.

Meanwhile, my sister seems to be getting a lot out of her trip to the Philippines, though it does seem to be pretty exhausting. She's currently in Davao at the Mindanao Peacebuilding Institute. She got to visit with a couple of the titas, and will have more time with family on the other side of her trip.
sienamystic: (Bourne)
Bemo and I met up with some friends in Wilber, NE (The "Czech capitol of America!") for their annual Czech Days Festival. It's a really nice event - one of those small-town things where they're happy to have you there spending your dollars on funnel cakes and touring the tiny museum, but they'd be there anyway, with their giant range of polka bands (from little kiddies to oldsters), dancers (ditto), electing the queen, prince, and princess of the festival, and eating kolaches, the traditional danish/jelly doughnut-esqe pastry that the town is very proud of.

Their little town museum is also a fun place to wander around. It's full of scary department store mannequins dressed in historic costumes, odds and ends that townsfolk have donated, period-rooms-of-a-sort (complete with listening stations consisting of a cd player and headphones), and a woman weaving rag rugs sitting in the storefront.

wilbur 002
A display of wrenches

One of my museum-coworker friends said that it made her feel great and sad at the same time - it was awesome that the townsfolk could come in and point out a dentist chair to their kid and go, "I sat there when I was your age! It was so scary!" But we both feel sad about the fact that nobody there knows how to preserve most of this stuff long-term, and it's deteriorating before everyone's eyes. Generally, these museums are run on a budget of minus five, and have a volunteer staff who love their collection but don't know how to care for it in the slightest. I think there are publications geared towards these sorts of museums, but they may not know about them. Perhaps we could find a way to send them over, but sometimes it doesn't matter if you know how to preserve, for example, a heavily beaded dress (hint - don't let it just hang off a regular hanger and don't pin post-it notes to it with straight pins) if you don't have the storage furniture, staff to store it, money to buy acid-free tissue paper and the training to know how to pad it out carefully, mannequins that will hold it without stress, etc.

surprised stuffed bunny is surprised )

We then went to the Wilbur Hotel and ate duck with dumplings (and sausage with dumplings, and pork with dumplings) and really incredible sauerkraut that I surprised myself by scarfing up with great enthusiasm, and rye bread, and the aforementioned dumplings with were little extruded tubes that looked a lot like string cheese and had gravy on them, and applesauce and onion rings (Bemo insisted) and more kolaches and lemonade.

hot men holding swords from days long ago )

And then we all waddled over (sauerkraut and those dumplings made for a pretty heavy meal) to a nearby quilt show. At this point Bemo and I bid them farewell and headed off to Omaha to look for a dress for me (they apparently went off and found a tank, judging by a photo I just saw on Facebook). I found a dress in Von Maur (a chiffony purpley pretty thing) that will work as my Best Woman dress for mom's upcoming wedding, and I'm glad I found it because I was feeling discouraged about the poor selection of dresses I had been finding up until now. (PS, am feeling discouraged about my weight and my eating habits again, which is funny to say after a description of eating sausage and dumplings, but it's mostly my day-to-day eating that I'm fighting with again, and so am feeling particularly unattractive and not in the best frame of mind to buy a pretty dress.)

And then we bought cat food and dish soap and diet soda and cleaning products because I am going to try and not leave my catsitter a filthy apartment to face. And we came home and did laundry as a giant storm rolled in, all yellow sky and ferocious winds and a few tree branches down in our front yard right as it started, and also the power flickered but thankfully didn't go off. It's cool and I have the windows open, much to the delight of the cats. Ratchet is particularly chuffed as he's been permitted to escort me to the basement laundry room a couple of times (he's good about not getting stuck anywhere or running off and evading me, so he gets to trot down the two flights of stairs and howl at the doors of the storage areas down there. I do not know what is in his tiny cat brain.

Tomorrow will be spent cleaning, I think. And lazing about, that too.
sienamystic: (aikido)
Took my bike over to a local volunteer spare parts/repair place and they're going to be on the lookout for a new rear wheel. Fingers crossed.

Then went to four hours of aikido - a spring seminar which included three visitors from the parent dojo on the East Coast. All very nice people, including the older woman, a spry little cricket of a lady who just exudes calm confidence. I want to grow up to be her. Won't be able to go to day two tomorrow, but will go again on Tuesday.

Doctor's appt. tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. Am gloomily sure I'll be put back on meds since I haven't been able to keep my eating under control these past months.

Bemo doing well, by and large.

Tired in the good way.
sienamystic: (brainy)
The support group was ok, although there were only three other people in attendance, plus the person leading the group. I got to talk a little bit and cry a little bit more than that, and will probably show up next week, although I don't know that it all was helpful, exactly. What it was, I'm not certain.

There was an elderly couple dealing with their daughter, who has something along the schizophrenic line, where she believes that she is the only well one in a world of sick, abusive people who infect her carpets with gas that leaks out if she turns the heat on, so she is sitting in an apartment with no heat in this frigid weather. Also, she refuses to take any medication because she is not sick. Her mom and dad are concerned that as belligerent as she is, she will never be allowed to stay in a group home (she's been evicted from several), but she obviously has trouble living alone in her own apartment (...she's been evicted from several), so what will she do once they're dead? Heartbreaking.

The other guy was, I dunno. Honestly, the things he described that he's witnessing in his wife sound much more to me like early-stage Alzheimer's than the dissociative identity disorder that he firmly believes she has - I hope they have a good doctor who screens for that. I suggested it and the therapist leading the group agreed that it was a definite possibility, so I wasn't completely off-base with my suspicion. And god knows which diagnosis would be worse.

The therapist herself was youngish, and helpful enough, although occasionally muddled in her explanations. She mentioned that the uni I work for has a big-deal specialist in anxiety disorders, so it might be worth it taking Bemo there specifically for anxiety stuff while working on his depression there at the crisis care center. She also expressed some deep suspicion about the utility of Xanax, which I'm interested in since I think my mother's side of the family must be keeping them in business. In her mind, therapy and therapy alone is the most successful solution to anxiety disorders, and she says she suffered from panic issues until recently, and has successfully overcome them this way.

I was also sad to learn (although not surprised - I had an inkling) that the governor of Nebraska has done a lot of slash and burning to the mental health services budget. Apparently people who need long-term care are really going to be underserved, and a lot of useful programs will be getting cut. It's easy to cut back on mental health programs until somebody shoots up a school, and then people want to know why the person wasn't diagnosed and helped and given therapy and medicine and carefully shepherded by psychiatrists until they were better, and it's usually because there's no infrastructure to get it done...not enough money, not enough trained people, not enough interest. The short-term hospitalization that Bemo is using right now seems to be quite good; I'm grieved that people who need even more intense long-term care will have a hard time getting it because of the cuts.

Only she

Jan. 31st, 2011 04:36 pm
sienamystic: (jello horror)
I know I've been a little mom-heavy here in the ol' journal recently, but seriously, she is driving me and my sister up a collective tree. Last night I had a conversation with her that was less fraught than most (that is, she wasn't yelling incoherently) but in the same conversation she asserted that:

- She has no money and therefore no estate, and therefore no need to see an estate lawyer of financial planner before she marries
- She has plenty of money and therefore can spend gobs of it on a wedding if she wants to
- Spending money on a bus to ferry relatives from Virginia to Pennsylvania so they can come to the ceremony doesn't count as spending a lot of money, because it's a good idea!
- Her husband-to-be's plan of limiting the budget for the wedding to $3,000 is an excellent one.
- She doesn't intend to stick to that budget because it's far too small.
- She doesn't want to sell her house and move to Pennsylvania because it's colder there, and anyway she loves her house.
- Her husband-to-be wants to sell the house so they can live in the Pennsylvania countryside. How they will reconcile these two opposing desires, we have no idea. Cage match?
- My sister and I are "money-faced." (Apparently it sounds better in Tagalog.)
- Husband-to-be's family are mostly composed of immoral money-grubbers, but they won't be able to touch her money even if they get married. This despite having no actual idea what happens once they are married and he becomes...her heir? Closest next-of-kin? Automatically entitled to half the house and so could pass it on to his kids if mom dies first and then they force us to sell it so they can get their half? Which would go against mom's desire that we keep the house? We don't know. She doesn't know either, and doesn't want to ask.
- There is no difference between a wedding in Pennsylvania and a wedding in Virginia, because that's just silly.
- Getting married is about love, not money, therefore seeing an estate planner or financial adviser is a waste of money. (This from the woman who matter-of-factly calls herself a high-maintenance woman with ABSOLUTELY NO IRONY.)
- All of this makes her tired. Why do we want to make her tired?

My sister and I have no real expectation of an inheritance from mom. Our assumption all this time has been that the house would finance her retirement once she was older, and anything we inherited would be stuff like pieces of furniture and the Le Creuset pots we intend to fight over. We're not exactly money-grubbers, either of us. However, the last thing either of us want is some sort of protracted legal brangle where suddenly Husband-to-Be's six kids sue us over some part of mom's estate and end up forcing us to do things we don't want to do. And frankly, the only reason we have a bit of a dubious view of this guy's kids is because HE HAS TOLD US THEY ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE. Seriously. He's the one telling us they're leeches, while at the same time feeding his martyr complex by bankrupting himself to give them money (apparently he put 26K on his credit cards to put an son-in-law through rehab, and then the guy went to jail as soon as he got out for doing...something, and now he's out of jail and babysitting the kids and OH MY GOD DO WE WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN THIS FAMILY'S DRAMA? DO WE?)

So. These are a few of the things my sister and I have been dealing with.


Jan. 27th, 2011 11:52 am
sienamystic: (Green Man)
1. Have contacted the local crisis center and hope to be getting Bemo into a program that will give him some stability, especially as the med changes continue to hit him so badly. He'll be calling one of his drs. for a referral to the program today. The place also has meetings for me on Wednesdays, and I plan to attend one next week.

2. The weather is gorgeous. I want to put on my bathing suit and frolic in the sculpture garden like a baby deer on speed. Tomorrow will apparently be even better.

3. I've been contemplating a tattoo for a long time now, but it wasn't really high on my priority list for a range of reasons (money, concerns about the fact that I scar easily and maybe am not a good candidate for one, where I wanted it to go, how big, what exactly I wanted...I knew I wanted a Green Man but what kind?) My friend Jess kindly agreed to design one for me. In this blog post, she shows the two designs she's worked on for me, and talks about them a bit. They're based on the one you see in my icon, from a stained glass window. I think I'm leaning strongly towards the medallion-type version. Will have to see how much money it'll cost, though, things being so tight.

4. My mom seems to have agreed to some actual planning for this whole wedding thing.

5. Have been reading a lot of books, some great, some bad, some indifferent, many through the magic of ILL. Am currently reading a bio of Dodie Smith (I Capture The Castle, 101 Dalmatians, The Town In Bloom, Dear Octopus) called Dear Dodie: The Life of Dodie Smith, which I'm enjoying very much. I sort of know the details from reading some of her more autobiographical work and her actual memoirs, but it's fun to get this view on them as well. Also read a Kage Baker novella, The Women of Nell Gwynne's, and enjoyed it very much, although it was a very quick, not very substantial work. Still, it was a lovely bonbon since I love her writing style so much. Next up in the queue, I have Miss Buncle's Book, The Decorative Floors of Venice, and Feather Crowns.
sienamystic: (Betty)
I haven't mentioned it, because it hasn't been as interesting a story as when she was dating the Wee Irish Man, but mom has been dating a new guy for about 8-9 months now. My sister and I don't like him as much, although he's not a horrible person or anything - his personality is just a little bit off-putting. However, between the two of us, we see only bad things to come in their relationship, both from his side and hers. Firstly, they don't seem to be communicating very well. Secondly, he's stubborn and pushy. Thirdly, they both want different things out of life. He's a "life is an adventure and we don't know what will come next and whee!" type, and my mom is a bit of a hypochondriac(ok, she's really and truly one) and likes her quiet routine and sometimes wants to just stay in bed all day and thinks adventure is a dirty word. Also mom loves considering herself a frail flower - she is the oldest 61-year-old in the world - and hates bustling while this guy is very much a bustle-around type. And also also, he seems to think he's St. Francis incarnate, and is full of good works and simple living, which is laudable but not when you're trying to impose that lifestyle on a woman who doesn't want it, at all.

Mostly, we wish my mom would just put the brakes on things. Instead, they're talking marriage, despite the huge red flags already mentioned. Sadly, she is apparently now on the path to marrying the guy (despite calling it quits on the relationship about five times now) and seems to be waiting for some external force - God, the Church, her kids - to be the ones to prevent her from going down this path if it's not the right choice. I phoned her up just now, and talked about it with her in a way that didn't make her defensive, and hopefully we'll be able to slow down the matrimony train.

And in other news, my father has just announced, in an aside in an email to my sister, that he's moving to Korea for good. This Wednesday. My brain is trying to make me feel that now is the time for regret - that I should have been more aggressive about trying to reconcile with him while he was in the US. But I'm not feeling that way. I'm feeling something, and I will poke at that feeling more later, but I think it's mostly just a vague regret that it's all turned out this way, and not guilt that I didn't fix it somehow. Which I suppose is improvement, because I will assume guilt for a wide range of things at the drop of a hat, most days.

So, uh...there's that, that's been happening. I will look at it this way - it's all fodder for the novel, right?
sienamystic: (iron man)
Finally got a chance to see Inception, although through an odd route. I bought it for my sister's boyfriend via Amazon, and that apparently meant I got it as a rental myself, so I watched it last night. I'm sure it misses some of the oomph on a small screen, but it was a really fun movie even if it wasn't quite as uniquely clever as I heard people describe it. Great acting all around, a fun concept, lots of twists and turns. I think I'll want to own it eventually, although I'm so lame - I only own a handful of DVDs and I never end up watching them, for no apparent reason. But if something I own shows up on TV, I'll sit and watch it that way, instead.

Spent the day back at the co-op:

My life in the checkout lane

and made a complete hash of it when I went to count down my drawer, because I had forgotten my technique. I spent about a half-hour too long frantically adding up little stacks of numbers, convinced I was ten bucks off and oh noes, and it turned out I was fine - maybe a little change off - but I will hope that tomorrow my brain is back online and I can actually do the process I've done several times now without issue. Blah. I had a system. Why couldn't I remember my system?

Trying to get a group of clothes together to sell. I have some random stuff, and a pair of nice dresses that I've only worn once or twice, and I don't just want to put them up on Ebay for a buck. On the other hand, I don't know if they're worth consigning or if people would be interested if I posted them here. Will think about it. I'm not looking to make a killing, but I would like twenty-thirty bucks for the dresses, since I paid about seventy apiece for them.

Want to go to the gym tonight, but am feeling lazy. Will try and push out the door.

Giant ugly lamp in living room has died. Am happy that it's gone, but don't want to pay for a new lamp. Impasse! I am considering several smaller lamps, which give nicer light, except I kind of need a bright light for fussing around with my collage/stamps/jewelry stuff.
sienamystic: (Mystic in red and orange)
We're past thanksgiving, but I think it's never the wrong time to list things you're thankful for or grateful about.

- Supportive, caring friends: the ones who live in my computer and the ones I hang with in real life, as well as the many who fall into both categories. Things are rough right now, and having you tolerate my venting, whining, and talking to myself and then responding with kind words and thoughts means so much.

- Family. The whole glorious, batty, loving bunch of them. (Some of them are possibly more batty than others. I will refrain from making lists.) My sister is the cool person I always knew her to be, and my frequently absurd mother has been a strength in this whole affair. And my beloved husband, who is clinging on with teeth and toenails, has a strength that amazes me, even if he doesn't see it in himself.

- This here frickin' internet. Without it, my communication with said caring friends and family would be a lot more difficult. Also, it helps me do important things. And it gives me stupid things that make me laugh.

- The milder winter that's predicted. Please god, let it be so - I cannot take another winter like last one.

- Aikido, for giving me an outlet for my own mental health.

- My job, which is constantly interesting and challenging and, despite the normal frustrations that crop up, still tons of fun.

- The cats, for being snuggly cuddlesacks. I could do with less whining for me to turn on the bathroom faucets for them to drink out of, though.

I'm a giant sack of schmoopy crap right now, I know. There are sad things happening, but right now I'm feeling so close to people, so amazed by how caring and generous people can be.

You might as well take me in this mood while you can get me, because my next post is going to be a big complaint about the stupid student loan people and why they can't make things straightforward so I know who to pay and how to consolidate my loans and reducing the payment because hahahaha we can't pay that and perhaps I should stop now before my loving mood for everything and everyone fades into surly silence.

Smooches, people.
sienamystic: (etc etc etc)
Ended up with the job at crunchy granola co-op, and started training on the register today. Good people, a good environment, but lord, my feet hurt from standing, and partially due to this and partially due to some other stuff, we ended up skipping on the gym tonight. Bemo is a little hesitant about me having the second job - obviously, we could use the money, but he feels badly about me "having" to work two jobs while he has none, and also it means more time that I'm away from him. (It's purely a weekend job, eleven hours total.) We'll see. If it just doesn't work out for whatever reason, I'll leave. I'll have some training sessions, but I'm not officially on the schedule until Jan 8, because of the long vacation in VA we'll be taking soon. So there's time for it all to shake out. Besides, if we can pay down some of our credit cards, that'll be nice, and also it'll pay for my aikido.

Bemo intermittently better, but the crying jags out of nowhere still come up. Will meet his psychologist tomorrow, ask her about her style of therapy, how she thinks she can help him, the goals she's setting out, etc. Also have been advised to get him into group therapy, which I think is wise. His overwhelming anxiety has faded as he's gotten off the medication that seemed to trigger it most, but that leaves the depression front and center.

Tired. Thankful for many things. Hopeful for more.
sienamystic: (aikido)
Have just passed my 6th kyu test. I knew three other people were testing with me, and assumed that we'd all start off together, but nope, I was up there all alone, nerve-wracked and panting like a tiny steam engine going up a hill. However, I got through it with some blips but nothing terrible, and no passing out or vomiting on the nice clean mats, so yay.

Have received some lovely support from a sister of a friend. Said sister is a psychologist, and has known Bemo for a long time, although not really closely. (They had a class together in college, I think.) She read my long, rambling screed and wrote back some really good, practical advice as well as a specific kind of therapist she thinks would work best for Bemo - now, whether or not we can find one here will be an issue, but at least we can start looking.

It's funny. I was so elated when I read her email. And then I got tired. Here's the road you may like to try walking! Now...go walk it! It's hard not to be daunted, sometimes, but I'll just try to adopt a cheerful, roll-up-our-sleeves-and-get-to-work attitude, and start poking around to see what's what.


sienamystic: (Default)

January 2017

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